Planning and praying (on repeat)


On my nightstand rests my inspiration go-to, in perfect form. I've looked them over tonight while planning and praying and more planning and praying.

My head hurts! 

Sometimes I find myself wanting to be the ultimate end-all planner of my own life. 

I want to know every step. I want to plan the perfect getaway from my problems. I want to know what my life is going to be like in a month... I want all of the answers! 

Then, in the middle of all my mental chaos, I stop and pray...

My built up stress and emotional build up seeps out of my body in the form of teardrops and I think: "Wow, what a baby! Get it together." 

I sit here and kid myself that I have any control of the true master plan. Like God is really going to give up his reigns for me to take over. It's laughable. 

So, for the night, I quit pretending I know it all. 

Tonight, I don't want to 'get it together'... and I'm perfectly okay with that decision. 

Tomorrow, we try again.