For the first time in over two months, I entered the only station I will be reporting to, for many months to come. This was a huge relief after having to splitting my weeks in half to travel between two stations, to work two completely different jobs.
So, while this may not have technically been my "first day" at KLTV, it definitely felt like it.
I was expected to arrive to the Good Morning East Texas shift today (which starts at midnight) to help produce part of the 4:30-7a.m. show. This happens to be the morning show I watch every day before work, which serves as a win-win because it cuts in with my favorite morning show on the planet, Good Morning, America!
For the past several weeks, I have noticed myself slipping into a work funk. (We've all been there...) I attributed this funk to being tired from all of the moving and change that's been happening in my work and personal life, but I didn't know how to shake it. I didn't know how to get this ominous shadow to stop following me around.
It was affecting my weekend anchoring, it was affecting my daily stress, and I knew I didn't want it anymore. I also knew that if I wanted to drop this extra weight on my shoulders, I needed advice from someone in the game.
Mr. Lane Luckie, anchor of Good Morning East Texas, sat with me today to discuss my role on tomorrow's show. We went block-by-block of the two and a half hour show, just to ensure no questions went unanswered.
When he was done with his spiel he said, "well, is there anything we can further explain to make sure we are doing our job in helping you understand the ropes?"
It was such a nice way of saying, "have any other questions?"
I said, "yes, there is something." I was scared for a moment that this question might make me sound weak. "I feel like as each week progresses, Im not getting 'better'. I feel like I can't shake my mistakes, and I feel like these mistakes are hanging over my head after each show, because more than anything I don't want to sound stupid."
I could feel myself balling up in my chair as the words came out of my mouth.
Lane addressed that comment with a quick and honest, "you got to shake it off and let it go" speech... But it was when he continued on to talk about something totally different, that he truly answered my question.
He talked to me about "psychological conditioning" (of many forms).
He gave me a very friendly warning that, as a young'n in this media world, it is very easy to find yourself mentally succumbing to what people want you to think about yourself (good and bad).
I immediately thought back, five minutes prior, to when I said, "I don't want to sound stupid." That fear literally conditioned in my brain that I very well could and might sound stupid.
It was the funk I couldn't figure out how to break and for some reason, at that moment it all made sense and I wanted to change those thoughts.
Today, with excellent timing, I pulled a 180 on my psychological conditioning.